CAUTION-THIS POST CONTAINS, SOME ADULT THEMES AND REFERENCES. NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER 18 OR FOR MY MUM OR DAD.
Last night I went to a party. Not a Tupperware party, or jewelry or candle party. It was a party just for adult women where you go and buy certain small machinery. I think you catch my drift. I wasn’t going to go, but Elle made me go. She was a mean big sister, and double dog dared me, and told me I had to take one for the team and go. I guess I’ll think of it as “investigative reporting”, that’s what I was doing, investigating weird items in some one’s home that I did not know, around women I did not know, all in all a very awkward situation. I was invited by “Accountant Ryan’s” wife. Weird huh? Now I have a glimpse into their life that I really didn’t need. Elle came up with a safe word for us to use when we are talking to each other and we get into that awkward TMI territory. The word is “AARDVARCK“. So, we yell that word when we don’t want to hear anything else. It was a very aardvarck night!
So, they start off the evening with lotions, and body items. Supposedly sweet lotions that will make your skin soft, but also with pheromones to attract the opposite sex. Okay, I don’t think I had the appropriate reaction to these products. As they were being passed around I realized my sinuses were filling up, then my nose began to run, then the sneezing started and my eyes were getting really itchy. I’m thinking sounding like Elmer Fudd, and having a runny nose is actually NOT a turn on to the opposite sex! So I proceeded to the bathroom to blow my nose and try to wash the stuff off of me! I also noticed that the hostesses cat started laying on the couch right behind my head, and I swear it was licking my hair. I asked the woman if cats are attracted to the pheromones, because apparently it started liking me! Thank god my dog is fixed, I did not want to come home to him attacking my leg! Next came the dreaded “products”, that we got to pass around. The woman wanted to show us a particular useful product that had a suction cup on the bottom of it. She slammed it down on a chair and then proceeded to lift the chair by holding onto the product. I said, “well that’s one way to move a chair”. I really wanted to take it and throw it against the wall to see if it would stick, y’know like those suction cup darts, but I was afraid it would go through the wall. Let’s just say it was pretty hefty. Plus, I don’t think the hostess would appreciate me throwing it at her wall. She then came out with a whip that was shaped like a paintbrush. Before she passed it around she said it was made out of latex so if you are allergic, don’t touch it. Which made me burst out laughing because in my head I’m thinking about Elle, who is allergic, and I’m just picturing her becoming red, and swollen and just having a huge allergic reaction! Thinking that if she had to go to the emergency room, and explain why she was having an allergic reaction, it would be the funniest thing ever! I would sooo want to be there for that! Can you imagine? I know it sounds mean, but she would be thinking the same thing about me!
Because we try to keep this website, somewhat family friendly, and our mother is an avid reader along with our children, I will not be posting the god awful picture that I sent Elle via cell phone last night, (AARDVARCK!). Instead here is a list from the catalog of the names of some of the products. Which makes me wonder who the hell came up with these stupid names?
Butterfly Kiss (reminds me of that stupid song), Chubby G (which sounds like a big rapper to me), Glitter G (gay rapper), G Love (another gansta rapper), Insatiable G (again, rapper), Mystical Dragon (Chinese restaurant), Passion Flower (good alcoholic drink), Passion Wave (Doesn’t Snapple have that flavor?) PulsaTron (sounds like something my husband would have in the garage), Pulsing Butterfly (a butterfly that my boys have ripped one of the wings off of), Starburst (candy), Thumper (um, sad Bambi movie), Wall Banger (alcoholic drink), Bumpy Ride (a car ride that makes you throw up), Carribbean Jelly (something you put on toast when you’re in the Bahamas), Tickle Me (Elmo anyone?), Decadent Indulgence (some kind of chocolate dessert, like brownies), Share (something I yell at my kids to do all day), Terra Firma (dirt), The Sidekick (Batman & Robin?), Magic Rings (Lord of the Rings), and the Triple Blaster (isn’t that a water gun?) Sorry, I don’t take this stuff seriously at all, and if Elle could of been there with me, we would of been kicked out for laughing and making fun of most of the stuff! The whole point was to blog about it, so there you go. I wonder what my next mission will be…….