All The Gory Details

Hello everybody, it’s me, I’m back, well kinda, not really, but I’m trying.  I came home from the hospital almost 2 weeks ago now  Actually I got kicked out of the hospital.  Gee, where to begin….let me start off with saying that I am still on extremely strong pain meds, so I am a little loopie.  Some of what I write may make sense to me, but not to you, sorry, you just need to be on some good drugs to get it.  The surgery itself went good, I’m a lot lighter now, down to one ovary, no uterus, no cervix and all the endometrial growth is now gone.  According to the doctor I had more than she thought I would have at my age, which is good because it means this whole thing was worth it.  For the first 12 hours I was kept on a steady dose of morphine, which was nice, I was also made to wear a torture device so that I didn’t develop blood clots.  I don’t know the real name for them, but I referred to them as “exploding booties“.   I had to wear them on my feet, and every second one would inflate with a “POW”, and then hiss out the air, and then the other one, “POW”, and so on and so forth, all night long.  Not very easy trying to sleep wearing those things!  I also constantly freaked the nurses out with my blood pressure!  You would think a mother of 2 boys would have high blood pressure….not me.  My blood pressure is a tad above a zombie’s.  It would be 90/60, sometimes 86/54.  If I had a new nurse they’d go and get another one and be freaking out about it!  It was funny.  Sometimes I wouldn’t say anything….I mean c’mon they have my chart, they can see the numbers.  When they’d ask me if that was normal, I really wanted to say, “oh no, it’s never been that low!”  But I didn’t.  I didn’t want them giving me a shot of epinephrine or something to bring it up!  Then the nurses came in at 10pm that night after surgery to remove the catheter…..something of course you want taken out, but not the whole process.  They had me sit down, she said take a deep breath, and then YANK!  OW!! @#$$%^&*(*&^%, she just pulled the thing out!  As I’m sitting there trying to catch my breath the nurse says, “Have you ever seen how these things work?”   She then begins to blow up the catheter balloon in order to show me how it stays in you.  It was like some awful squirting joke flower thing or something!  I’m thinking great that was just you know where, and she’s going to squirt me in the eye with left over you know what!!! 

The next day the boys visited me, and my youngest was so happy to see that I could walk around a little and that I looked normal.   It was funny at one point I was in the bathroom and I could hear them talking about me, “Mom’s not going to be able to do laundry, we’re gonna have to help her”, “she won’t be able to wash dishes either”.  To which my youngest answered with, “Why?  her arms still work”  That made me giggle.  I got kicked out of the hospital on the 2nd day after surgery, I guess they had new people coming in or something.  The nurse came in and said, “why don’t you order some breakfast and call your husband to pick you up…do you want me to open the blinds?”  She asked me about the blinds like 3 times!  Leave me alone lady, I don’t want the stinking blinds open!!!  I think she checked to make sure my husband was coming like 10 times!  She even asked me if I needed a taxi……are you on crack?  No I don’t want a taxi!  

The next day after I got home I had to go back out to the dr. to have my staples removed.  I wasn’t looking forward to that!  I was afraid that when they took them off, that whatever was left inside would fall out.  Kinda gross huh?  When I asked if they could do it Friday they said they were closed for the holiday, so I said, “what about Monday?”  To which the doctor said, “well I could, but then they may be all scabbed over”.  Okay, ewwww, and owwwww!  It went okay, she took some instrument that looked like clippers and just pulled each one out.  It amazed me that it didn’t hurt, it looked like it should hurt!!

Yesterday I went to my almost 2 week follow up appointment.  It went well, I was down 4 pounds which is something!  I also got my okay to drive.  I asked her if I could go swimming and she says, “of course you can, it’s not like water goes rushing up there or anything”.  Okay, again EWWWWWW!  Elle said, “well they did take everything out of there, it would of been pretty gross if you went swimming and the water was being sucked up there, it might make people look”.  So I guess it was good that I asked that question.  Elle has been great, such a supportive sister, she’s had all types of comments for me….like, wouldn’t it be funny if the wind blew and it made a sound like when you blow into an empty bottle?  I can always count on her to be there for me.  : )