Where’s Lassie When You Need Her?

Here’s another blast from Blue Monkey Butt’s past. It’s all still true today except that we now have three dogs. Sigh, yes, three.

I love my dogs, but I have to admit they embarrass me……a lot. When I imagined having dogs, they were all going to be like Lassie. Who doesn’t want a dog that’s always saving Timmy from a well and even though I don’t have any wells around my house, I’d like a dog with well saving abilities. That’s just how I roll. My 2 dogs are so far removed from Lassie you wouldn’t believe they were even in the same species. My parents arrived last night and within an hour Shadow, our St. Bernard mix, proceeded to yak up some of his dinner. With my husband and my dad groaning in disgust, Shadow chowed it back down as fast as he could because he didn’t want our lab/chow mix, Toby, to get it. He even licked the floor when he was done. At least he saved me the trouble of cleaning it up. You never see Lassie eating her own vomit, unless she needed too to save Timmy from that damn well. I tell the kids that our dogs would protect us if someone ever broke in our house. Shadow might, as long as it wasn’t thundering outside, or there were fireworks and the bad guy didn’t have a cell phone or a camera. All these thing terrify him and make him pee all over the floor. But…Toby is really afraid of strangers, especially men. Our 19 year old daughter had a friend stop by and he went into our kitchen where Toby was. That simple act freaked Toby out so badly, he jumped onto our stove and then peed all over it. Yes, you read it right. The dog jumped up onto the extra tall counter and urinated all over my stove. Lovely way to welcome someone you’ve never met to your insane household. The only consolation was the stove is glass and is flat so it made for easier dog urine clean-up. In fact, maybe that could be a good selling point. “The stove that makes cleaning up dog urine even easier!” “One less worry when your dog pees on your stove!” Lassie never ever peed on their stove. I don’t think she even peed. She was too busy saving Timmy from all those wells.

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