Killer of Small Defenseless Animals

I’m so sorry Mr. Squirrel. I really didn’t mean to hit you. I tried to slow down and I have to say, in my defense, I wouldn’t have hit you if you had kept running. It was because you did that stupid squirrel thing where you dart back and forth in the road in some lame attempt to disorient the driver so they swerve and hit a tree. I didn’t fall for it and instead ran you over. Oops! My bad! It really was an accident and something I really didn’t want to do in my husband’s car. He keeps it so clean and now there’s sure to be squirrel guts splattered on the bottom of his car. Not that you care anymore. Tomorrow I have to drive that way again and I’m sure to see you there in the middle of the road and I’ll know that I was the one who caused your horrible death. It’s just something I’ll have to learn to live with. I emailed Stacy hoping she would make me feel better about being a killer of squirrels and this was her sympathetic response:

You killed secret squirrel!! OMG!! How could you? You animal runner-over!