{"id":337,"date":"2008-12-02T15:08:14","date_gmt":"2008-12-02T19:08:14","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bluemonkeybutt.com\/home\/?p=337"},"modified":"2008-12-02T15:08:14","modified_gmt":"2008-12-02T19:08:14","slug":"jesus-came-knockin-i-wasnt-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bluemonkeybutt.com\/home\/2008\/12\/02\/jesus-came-knockin-i-wasnt-home\/","title":{"rendered":"Jesus Came Knockin' & I Wasn't Home"},"content":{"rendered":"

My luck just stinks!\u00a0 Yesterday I was home with my youngest, who has a cold, and I decided that I should waste a $20 co-pay to bring him to the doctor.\u00a0 Too bad they don’t give you it back if there’s nothing they can do for them!\u00a0 Anyways, when we got home there was a booklet on my doorstep that said, “Jesus was here”.\u00a0\u00a0 <\/em>Oh damn it, I missed him!\u00a0 Geez, if I had known Jesus was coming over I would of stayed home!\u00a0 I guess he’s one of those people that just “pop-over<\/em>” to say hi.\u00a0 I don’t care for the “pop-over<\/em>“.\u00a0 Neither does Elle, but that’s another story.\u00a0\u00a0 I like to have some sort of notice, that way I can throw the dirty dishes in the stove, take a grocery bag and put everything that is on the table in it!\u00a0 And get out of my “yoga” pants, (and no I don’t do yoga).<\/p>\n

I went to throw the booklet away, but then I hesitated, and thought…….I could blog about it<\/em>.\u00a0 Now when I mentioned this to mum, she said, “You cannot make fun of Jesus<\/em>“.\u00a0\u00a0 So to keep her happy I will not be making fun of Jesus today, I will however be making fun of the booklet he left on my doorstep.\u00a0 The book is from December 2006, but I guess he doesn’t need an updated version since nothing new has happened in his history.\u00a0 It contains the usual,“sinners are going to hell”, yatta, yatta, yatta.\u00a0 <\/em>But there are some other interesting items that caught my eye.\u00a0 For instance:<\/p>\n

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“Is it Wrong to Drink Alcoholic Beverages?<\/em>”\u00a0 Which from what I read states that since Jesus turned water to wine, it’s okay to drink alcohol, unless you become one of those annoying, loud, obnoxious drunks, then you’re a sinner.\u00a0 Then we have the entertainment portion:
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“Calypso Music<\/em>”\u00a0 This just looked out of place in a book about religion.\u00a0 The picture actually\u00a0reminds me of my honeymoon in the Bahamas, (which did involve some alcohol).\u00a0 Sinner!<\/p>\n

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\nAnd my favorite article in the book is:\u00a0
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“What Would We Do Without Donkeys??” <\/em><\/strong>OMG!\u00a0\u00a0
\n<\/span>I mean, oh my goodness, I don’t know what the hell <\/span>heck I would do without my donkey!!\u00a0 He is just such a life saver!\u00a0 I’m thinking your donkey would be a lot worse to clean up after than a dog!\u00a0 Never mind feeding the thing.\u00a0 And listening to it do that awful donkey noise!\u00a0 It would be a real pain in the ass…..get it??\u00a0 I know bad joke.\u00a0 You could come up with all kinds of jokes:\u00a0 “my ass is getting so big”, “my ass is shedding”, “my ass crapped all over the backyard”, “my ass keeps making loud noises”, “my ass sneezed all over the place”..I could just keep going and going, but I better not, my mum will probably yell at me for all those bad words!\u00a0 I’ve reached my ass quota.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My luck just stinks!\u00a0 Yesterday I was home with my youngest, who has a cold, and I decided that I should waste a $20 co-pay to bring him to the doctor.\u00a0 Too bad they don’t give you it back if there’s nothing they can do…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"__cvm_playback_settings":[],"__cvm_video_id":"","spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[24,1],"tags":[520,894,1376],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3ISGQ-5r","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bluemonkeybutt.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/337"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bluemonkeybutt.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bluemonkeybutt.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bluemonkeybutt.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bluemonkeybutt.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=337"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bluemonkeybutt.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/337\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bluemonkeybutt.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=337"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bluemonkeybutt.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=337"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bluemonkeybutt.com\/home\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=337"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}