Dog Ate Yankee Candle
Yes it is time once again. Time for everyone’s favorite post, “What Crazy Things People Google”. Elle usually does this post, but since I haven’t had anything funny to write about, I’ll just use the keyword search. Who knew that when we came up with this name, we would get to see all the crazy, disgusting, unusual things people google! So, even though we have about 3 pages of material, we’ll go with the weirdest, funniest, and as usual there will be no items of “those that we do not speak of”. You know what I mean.
1. Dog ate Yankee Candle-maybe you shouldn’t be googling that, maybe you should call a vet before your dog starts hacking or pooing out something strange. My curiosity is, does it still smell like a Yankee Candle when it comes out. I know…ewwwww!
2. Blue Vomit Dog-okay, is it that blue vomit came out of your dog or what? Maybe a little more detail would be helpful here. Or maybe it’s the dog that ate the Yankee Candle? Was it a blueberry one?
3. Why Do Monkeys Throw Feces When Mad?-that’s an easy one, because they are vile, disgusting creatures!
4. What Causes Monkey Butt?-okay if that’s a disease, I think it’s caused by #3, their poo!
5. Monkey Butt Body Wash-okay is that to treat the Monkey Butt Disease or is it Body Wash made from a monkey’s butt? I’m hoping it’s the first one!
6. Blue Monkey Weird Info-lots of weird info here, sorry not about blue monkeys or their butts!
7. Coffee from Monkeys Butt-okay, I am a big fan of coffee, but I’m not drinking anything that comes out of a monkeys ass butt! That may cause monkey butt disease too!
8. Blue Monkey Thank You Cards-we don’t have any, but maybe we need to make some and sell them!
9. Monkey Tupperware-does Tupperware sell monkey Tupperware? Why would monkeys need Tupperware?
10. Babysitter for parents bringing kids to swingers party-okay, number 1 DISTURBING! Not to tick off the swingers again, BUT leave your kids at home! And like I told Elle, I guess the babysitter would be the one who has her period. Oops. I know, that was bad.
11. monkeys butts, monkey butt pics, crazy monkey butt, monkey face butt, monkey butt rings-okay, as stated before, we don’t like monkeys (Elle HATES them), so NO NAKED MONKEY BUTT PICTURES! EWWW!
12. And of course the amount of weird, disgusting things that are googled, the keywords that make Elle and I go, “EWWWWWWWWWWW! That is just WRONG!!” we will spare you the graphic details.
Also, this month in particular there were a lot of “moon sand” inquiries, which lead us to believe that other relatives bought your children the evil moon sand for Christmas!! And every month there are many searches for “kids words that start with the letter—–“, which brings us to the conclusion that teacher’s everywhere are still insisting on making mothers come up with and remember that their child has show and tell AND it has to begin with a certain letter! Come on! We have enough to do without having to remember the “show and tell“. That’s like a test to see who is the bad mother who forgot their child had show and tell that day! Sorry, I get a little heated with the whole show and tell thing. I wasn’t a fan! I was always the bad mother who forgot! So, at least when I have writer’s block I can always depend on crazy people out there searching for butts, monkeys, etc! Freaks.
