Well last night I had to go to my first D.A.R.E. meeting.  Let me start off with the reason why I had to go, I want to explain this because every time I told someone I had to go to a meeting, I got the same response, “oh really, why, what did you do?”  And then they would be all disappointed when I told them the reason, I don’t know what people think I do in my spare time, but it’s not a court-ordered program!  My son who is in 5th grade is taking a D.A.R.E. class at school, and they encourage parents to take one at night to go along with the lessons.  Let me start off by saying I really agree with D.A.R.E. and what they do for children, it’s a great program to help kids stay off drugs, alcohol and tobacco.  With that being said, I will now make fun of the night I had at my first D.A.R.E. meeting.

The Officer that taught the class was really funny, nice and cute (not that the last thing matters, but it doesn’t hurt!)  He started off with questions, and one parent asked what D.A.R.E. stood for, to which the Officer replied, “Drugs Are Really Expensive”  I knew at that point it wouldn’t be so bad since we had an Officer with a sense of humor!  If you don’t know what it stands for it’s Drug Awareness Resistance Education.  He then announced that he would start off the meeting by passing some drugs around.   Wow, cool, I guess we get to try some!  Sadly, no, but he did pass around 4 bags of marijuana, 2 to one side of the room and 2 to the other.  My BFF and I were at the very back of the room, of course so we got the drugs last, well I took the 2 bags and walked to the other side of the room to show the other people and this woman got so defensive!  Me: “here you go“, Her: “what’s that?  Is that marijuana?”  Me:  “ah yea, that’s what he’s been passing aroundHer: “well I don’t need it I already saw it” Me: “well you didn’t see this stuff it’s from the other side of the room”  Her: “NO I don’t want the marijuana!”  Okay now Miss Sweater Set is acting like I am peer pressuring drugs on her!!  “TAKE THE DRUGS WOMAN!”  It was funny to see all the parents looking at the bags of marijuana, and each one had to smell it!  Then he passed around pipes and bongs.  Of course we got the pipes last and I said to my BFF, “I’m not trying to give these bongs to Miss Sweater Set, you go give them back to the Officer” and she was all, “no, I’m not getting up in front of everyone”, and at this point I had drank a Dunkin Donuts Ice Coffee and there was no way I could make it up there holding 2 very large glass bongs!  So, we sat the entire class with 2 of the largest bongs I have ever seen on our table.  Nice.

The Officer then started asking questions like what is the difference between these 2 bags of drugs?  To which my BFF yells out, “one bag is all divi’d up”.  Correct.  What about these?  “that one has a lot of seeds in it”  Good job BFF, now the Officer thinks you sell pot!  Ahh!  As the night went on it was clear that first of all my BFF and I were the youngest in the class, and second we were in a class with all old/dorky people who knew nothing!!  Talk about stupid questions!  I think I rolled my eyes about 37 times!  When we got to the hard drugs the Officer asked what methadone was.  Of course my BFF & I raised our hands, no one else seemed to know.  Hello????  Haven’t these people ever watched Intervention on A & E or maybe read a magazine?????  So of course BFF answers it, and I’m whispering something like, shhhhhh, stop answering questions.  And she ends up getting nervous and starts blurting out TMI!  “Methadone is a drug they give you to get off of Heroin…it’s sometimes worse than Heroin…I knew someone that was on Heroin and she was worse on Methadone..yatta yatta yatta.  AHHHHH!  Stop talking!  But she got nervous and couldn’t stop!!  Luckily nothing too bad came out of her mouth!  My BFF took nursing classes so she knows a lot about substances and what they do to you, but stop answering questions!  I told her knowing all the answers to the questions in the D.A.R.E. class was probably not a good thing and she may look like she knew a little something.  I told her I wouldn’t be surprised if they “stopped” by her house sometime!  At the end of the class the Officer asked if he had all his drugs back, which he did, but then I had to yell, “but don’t forget your bongs back here”, now who’s the one who can’t stop talking!  Why did I use the word “bong”, the Officer never did!  So that was my night, and when I got home my beagle kept sniffing my hands, maybe he could be a smart drug sniffing dog……doubt it.