Jesus Came Knockin' & I Wasn't Home

My luck just stinks!  Yesterday I was home with my youngest, who has a cold, and I decided that I should waste a $20 co-pay to bring him to the doctor.  Too bad they don’t give you it back if there’s nothing they can do for them!  Anyways, when we got home there was a booklet on my doorstep that said, “Jesus was here”.   Oh damn it, I missed him!  Geez, if I had known Jesus was coming over I would of stayed home!  I guess he’s one of those people that just “pop-over” to say hi.  I don’t care for the “pop-over“.  Neither does Elle, but that’s another story.   I like to have some sort of notice, that way I can throw the dirty dishes in the stove, take a grocery bag and put everything that is on the table in it!  And get out of my “yoga” pants, (and no I don’t do yoga).

I went to throw the booklet away, but then I hesitated, and thought…….I could blog about it.  Now when I mentioned this to mum, she said, “You cannot make fun of Jesus“.   So to keep her happy I will not be making fun of Jesus today, I will however be making fun of the booklet he left on my doorstep.  The book is from December 2006, but I guess he doesn’t need an updated version since nothing new has happened in his history.  It contains the usual,“sinners are going to hell”, yatta, yatta, yatta.  But there are some other interesting items that caught my eye.  For instance:

“Is it Wrong to Drink Alcoholic Beverages?”  Which from what I read states that since Jesus turned water to wine, it’s okay to drink alcohol, unless you become one of those annoying, loud, obnoxious drunks, then you’re a sinner.  Then we have the entertainment portion:

“Calypso Music”  This just looked out of place in a book about religion.  The picture actually reminds me of my honeymoon in the Bahamas, (which did involve some alcohol).  Sinner!

 
And my favorite article in the book is: 

“What Would We Do Without Donkeys??” OMG!  
I mean, oh my goodness, I don’t know what the hell heck I would do without my donkey!!  He is just such a life saver!  I’m thinking your donkey would be a lot worse to clean up after than a dog!  Never mind feeding the thing.  And listening to it do that awful donkey noise!  It would be a real pain in the ass…..get it??  I know bad joke.  You could come up with all kinds of jokes:  “my ass is getting so big”, “my ass is shedding”, “my ass crapped all over the backyard”, “my ass keeps making loud noises”, “my ass sneezed all over the place”..I could just keep going and going, but I better not, my mum will probably yell at me for all those bad words!  I’ve reached my ass quota.